"

I remember the big smile that got so much hate from all the people at school, i remember all the jelaous people picking on the clothes and attitude that were. I remember all the backstabbing and fakeness from “friends”. I never forgot all of you, you are all a part of my reasons to never look up, never believe in my self. Never believe in humanity…

- loveisrarely.tumblr.com

"
- (via loveisrarely)
"Because I’m a ghost. I’m no one’s best friend. I’m always the last to be called, informed, invited. Because I’m canceled on, ignored, neglected, invisible. I’m angry, emotionally unstable, manipulative. Friendship with me is so easily thrown away. Everyone is busy when I’m falling apart. I’m needy, clingy, I never listen. Because people leave anyway. I protect myself from the pain of being alone, by pushing people away because you’ll end up hurting me. I can’t let you get close, you’ll think I’m needy and clingy once you get to know me, and eventually leave. I’m pushing you away now, to protect you from the future regret of getting to knowing me. I’m pushing you away to save you the time that you’ll end up wasting on me. You’ll thank me later, once you realize how relieving ridding of me from your life, memories, and presence is, as many others have. Because I’ll feel alone and end up hurting you, no matter how many times you say “I’m your friend, I care for you, and I’m there for you.”. I’m used to people leaving, especially because I push them away. It’s just better for you this way. Now, please, go away before you are trapped with the mistake of being a friend to me."
- If you ever ask me why I push you away, I will respond with this. (via jessicaholics)
"I lost all interest in my schoolwork, friends, reading, wandering or daydreaming. I had no idea what was happening to me, and I would wake up in the morning with a profound sense of dread that I was somehow going to have to make it through another entire day. I would sit for hour after hour in the undergraduate library, unable to muster enough energy to go to class. I would stare out the window, stare at my books, rearrange them, shuffled them around, leave them unopened, and think about dropping out of college. When I did go to class it was pointless. Pointless and painful. I understood very little of what was going on, and I felt as though only dying would release from the overwhelming sense of inadequacy and blackness that surrounded me. I felt utterly alone, and watching the animated conversations between my fellow students only made me feel more so."
- Redfield Jamison, Kay. An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness.  (via wordsnquotes)

(via wordsnquotes)